Another Common Body Paragraph Problem

What is the problem with this body paragraph below? It is two sentences: a topic sentence and a sentence that never ends. The Pro sees this problem all the time. Why do test-takers write like this? Because they are writing like they are talking to their best friend at Starbucks. There is nothing wrong with this style. Actually, the literary definition of this style is "stream of consciousness." That means writing whatever comes into your head.  

First, every morning before work I go to the gym. At the gym I work out for two hours with my trainer Tom who makes me work really hard because I really need cardio for my heart so I use the treadmill for twenty minutes then I use the step machine for twenty minutes after which I use the rowing machine, which kills me because by then my arms and shoulders are so tired I just want to die but Tom tells me to go lift some weights so I do some weights for another twenty minutes and by the time I am finished, I am so tired I just want to die and go home and sleep all day but I can't because I must go to work.

What should you do?

First, every body paragraph must have three sentences: 1) topic sentence; 2) example; 3) conclusion. This three-part structure reflects the three-part structure of the essay itself. Next, when using an example (the long sentence above is really just an extended supporting example) use shorter sentences and periods. Why? Because the raters want to see if you can use punctuation. Also, the raters are not crazy about stream-of-consciousness style, or style in general. It suggests you are not really writing but speaking. The raters want to see a more formal writing style.

Want to know more body paragraph strategies? It's all in the book.

Speaking and Writing Strategies for the TOEFL iBT.

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Question #4 - Answer

Omar Khayyám, born in Persia in 1048 AD, was polymath, a man whose genius ranged from astronomy to philosophy to poetry. Recognized as one of the greatest medieval mathematicians, Khayyám authored the Treatise on Demonstration of Problems of Algebra. n In it, he provides a geometric method for solving cubic equations. n Khayyám's contributions to algebra eventually founds it way to Europe, as did the work of many other influential Persian mathematicians. n In astronomy, Khayyám measured a solar year and concluded that it was 365.2421 days. The Iranian calendar today is based on Khayyám's calculations. Yet despite his scientific achievements, Omar Khayyám is most famous for his poetry, in particular his book of poems The Rubáiyát of Omar Khayyám. The Rubáiyát consists of about one thousand quatrains, a quatrain being a poem consisting of four lines or rubaais.

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© Bruce Stirling 2011

Don't judge a book by its cover.

Yes, this car sold for $4.4 million dollars.

read about it

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Question #3 - Answer

There is one grammatical mistake in the following sentence. Can you find it?

Hi, Jill. It's me, Ann. I have a question. I was reading this TOEFL blog and this guy says that screaming is a really good way to relax, especially if I am nervous when speaking. What do you think? Really? You scream all the time? No way.

The mistake in this sentence is It's me. It is is never followed by an object. Because me is an object pronoun, it comes after a preposition...

She wants to talk to me? Really?

or a transitive verb...

No, way. You always tease me.

or a transitive phrasal verb...

I called Angelina Jolie, just like you said, but she hung up on me. I thought you said she liked me.

But, you say, I say, "Hi, it's me" all the time, especially on the phone. That's right. And that's okay. This question is a grammar question not a usage question. There is a big difference. Usage is how words are used every day outside the rules of grammar.

So what is the correct answer: Hi Jill. It's I, Ann.

The Pro

Sample Essay #2 - Answers

What is telecommuting? Telecommuting means you can work from home while being connected to your office by the internet. Personally, I prefer to work from home. Working from home has many advantages, such as more privacy, less stress and seeing my children more.

First, telecommuting gives me more privacy. For example, at work I have a cubicle. It is really noisy because people are always talking and using the copy machine. Also, people are always stopping and saying hello to me. This is not good because it wastes a lot of time. It also makes it hard for me to finish my work. But if I work from home, nobody bothers me and I finish my work without interruption. This is an advantage of telecommuting.

Also, with telecommuting there is less stress. When I go to work, I must get up early and drive. It takes an hour and the traffic is always bad. If there is an accident, I get to work late. That means I have to stay late to finish my assignments. But if I work from home, I don’t have to worry about getting up early or about traffic or being late for work. This is another big advantage of telecommuting.

Finally, working from home lets me see my children more. My children are very young, only seven and eight. I drop them off at day care when I go to work but when I work from home, I can look after them. This really saves me money. Also, I can spend more time with my children. This makes us all very happy. This is the best advantage of telecommuting.

Suffice it to say, telecommuting has a myriad of advantages. Don't you wish you could just fall out of bed and go to work in your pajamas?

© Bruce Stirling 2011

Good Neighbor Essay

Question: Does this essay have an opinion? Yes. The opinion is stated in the introduction and restated in the conclusion. That means the writer is using as the method of organization see deduction.

How do we know it is an opinion? By checking it against the opinion checklist.

__________________________________________________

What are the qualities of a good neighbor? From my experience, a good neighbor is a lot of things, but most of all considerate. What do I mean? Let me explain.

Mr. Greenleaf, my neighbor to the north, is very considerate...

The Sambas, my neighbors to the south, are also very considerate...

As I've illustrated, good neighbors are considerate. Who would you like next to you, the Sambas and Mr. Greenleaf, or Mr. Blackhart? Think about that the next time you take out the garbage, cut your grass, and have a party.

The Pro

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Question #2 - Answer

Nobody would disagree that violent video games are designed with killing in mind, just like no would disagree that problem-solution scenarios in which an anti-hero blasts his way to freedom reinforce detrimental behavior in adolescents. 

The correct answer is A.

a) Everybody would agree that video games are about killing and that the actions of the anti-hero have a negative influence on young viewers.

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Question #1 - Answer

More importantly, Smith says that the wealth of a nation is not based on the hoarding of gold, but on the free flow of goods manufactured in a systematic way, a way that serves the needs of the individual and, ultimately, the nation as a whole.

The answer is C.

c) Smith stresses that systematically manufactured goods that are freely traded create more wealth for a nation than does the accumulation of commodities such as gold.

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