Okay TOEFL fans, here are the answers. But first...
Note in the essay there are two qualities. The first quality is literally described. That quality is a boss's ability to understand employees. This is what Betty demonstrates to Fred in paragraph one. Fred then copies Betty's example when dealing with Bob in paragraph two. By doing so, Fred is using Betty as a role model. This second quality - a good boss should be a role model - is implied. Yes, the thesis only mentions one quality but out of that quality a second quality arises. Do the raters notice implied meaning? Let's hope so. Or as my Arab friends say, in sha'a Allah. Now look at this version. Notice a difference?
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What are the qualities of a good boss? Personally, I believe a good boss should be understanding and a role model.
A good boss should be understanding. For example, when I started working at McDonalds, I didn't understand how to make French fries. That was my first job. Nobody trained me so I thought, "How hard can it be?" I turned the fryer on and pretty soon I was making fries, no problem. But then customers start complaining. There was no salt on the fries. I'd forgotten the salt! I thought I was dead, but my boss Betty said, "Chill, Fred. It's your first day. Everybody makes mistakes. Just add salt next time, okay?" As you can see, Betty was really understanding. That's why she was a such good boss. She never freaked out.
A good boss should also be a role model. After I made fries for a year, Betty promoted me to Big Macs. Pretty soon I was the best Big Mac maker in Mackinaw. Then one day Betty said, "Fred, this is Bob. Train him to make Big Macs, okay?" So I did. It was going great when the customers started complaining. There was no special sauce on the Big Macs. Bob had forgotten it! Did I yell at Bob? No. I did what Betty did when I messed up. I said, "Chill, Bob. It's your first day. Everybody makes mistakes. Just add it next time, okay?" Betty was such a good role model, I think of her every day now that I am president of Fred's Fine Shoes.
In sum, a good boss should be understanding and a role model. Understanding means a boss realizes people make mistakes and being a role model means being a good example. Remember that when you're the boss one day.
300 words
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Remember: Proficient writing (and speaking) combines both the literal and the implied. Also, being able to infer meaning is a big part of the TOEFL iBT.
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QUESTION #1
In this essay, how many rhetorical strategies do I use? Click here for the rhetorical strategy checklist.
1. NARRATION
a. ...when I (Fred) started working at McDonalds...
b. Okay, so after I (Fred) made French fries for a year, Betty promoted me to Big Macs...
2. COMPARE-CONTRAST
a. Fred's first job making fries v. Fred's second job making Big Macs.
b. Fred's making a mistake making fries as new employee v. Fred training a new employee Bob, who makes a mistake making Big Macs v. Fred as president of Fred's Fine Shoes.
c. Betty the boss being understanding when Fred makes a mistake making fries v. Fred the boss being understanding when the new employee Bob makes a mistake making Big Macs.
d. Fred as a French fry maker v. burger maker at McDonalds v. boss of Fred's Fine Shoes.
3. ILLUSTRATION
a. Fred making a mistaking making fries.
b. Bob making a mistake making Big Macs.
c. Betty not freaking out when Fred makes a mistake.
d. Fred not freaking out when Bob makes a mistake.
e. Betty the understanding boss.
f. Fred the understanding burger trainer.
g. Fred the understanding president of Fred's fine shoes.
4. DEFINITION
"All in all, a good boss is understanding. Understanding means a boss realizes that employees make mistakes."
5. DESCRIPTION
a. No salt on fries (Oh. My. God.)
b. No special sauce on Big Macs.
c. Fred's Fine Shoes.
e. understanding boss; not freak out, etc.
6. CAUSE-EFFECT
a. Fred makes fries (cause), forgets salt (effect) and customers complain (effect), so Betty talks to Fred (action) and tells Fred to "chill, everybody makes mistakes" (effect), which is good advice from an understanding boss (effect).
b. Bob makes Big Macs (cause), forgets special sauce (effect) and customers complain (effect), so Fred talks to Bob (action) and tells Bob to "chill, everybody makes mistakes" (effect), which is good advice from an understanding boss (effect).
7. PROCESS
a. Forgetting the important step of putting salt on French fries.
b. Forgetting the important step of putting special sauce on Big Macs.
8. CLASSIFICATION
Worker types:
boss (Betty) v. employee (Fred) v. new employee (Fred + Bob) v. president (Fred)
Note how classification includes the process of comparing and contrasting.
QUESTION #2
Yes.
"Personally, I believe a good boss should be understanding."
QUESTION #3
You are a TOEFL writing rater. How would you rate (score) this essay from 0-5? Why?
This essay rates a 5. Why? Because it demonstrates Coherence. How can you be sure? Because this essay was checked for argument proficiency using the Pro's argument proficiency analyzer OPDUL=C. If you want to score a perfect 5 on your independent essay and your integrated essay, and perfect 4's on all your speaking response, then you must demonstrate OPDUL=C in each.
Want to know more about OPDUL=C?
